Life is about change

Dear Mom:

Life is about change, I know this. I ask though, how much change is a person supposed to expect? So much change has happened in the last 6 months. From the swine flu to you dying, with other nasty occurences in between. The biggest obviously is losing you in this life. I know I have memories. I know you are in my heart. That's not enough for me. I am sure this makes me selfish. I don't care. All I want is you back in this physical realm, whole and healthy. I don't know where to turn, I don't know what to do. When you died, a part of me died as well. I don't feel whole anymore. I am reading a book on grief, and it is helping, but I need someone to support me. I have no support system out here. I have no one I trust with my grief. I tried to find a grief support group, but had no luck. I will look harder. I need something else. The pain is unbearable at times. I miss and love you sooo much. It hurts Mom. You are always the person I turned to when I was in pain. Who do I turn to now?

xoxo,
Nay

Mom

Dear Mom:

You are gone from me in this life. It hurts. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I belong nowhere. I have no one close by to turn to. I sometimes don't care if I wake up or not the next day. Life doesn't have as much meaning to me since you died. If I could turn back time, I would. I would change all sorts of things. I would take your sickness. More people need you more than me. I would live in MI instead of CA. I'd not have lost contact with you for the length of time that I did. I miss you so much. I love you even more. Your last days, hours, minutes that I had with on this earth in the end will never be enough.

Xoxo forever and always,
Nay