Am I supposed to feel so blah most of the time? I try to put myself into a better mindset. It doesn't always work. I don't see how you survived losing both of your parents when you were so young. And then two sisters? You are a much stronger person than I will ever be. I try to model myself after you, but don't always succeed.
Luci came out for a visit last week. It was awesome. It also made me realize how alone and lonely I am out here. My family isn't here. My closest friends aren't here. I don't trust anyone enough with my grief. If I can't do that, how can I move forward?
Life is confusing. I know it always is, but right now it's more than most times. I don't know if I am going right or left, up or down. Simple decisions are sometimes out of reach.
Time will take care of everything, eventually. I want the pain and the numbness to stop. When I look at my screen saver at home of you and Shawna, I still can't believe you are dead. I don't want to believe it. Come visit me sometime please. But no rats or vampires. K?
Xoxo,
Nay
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