Life, love and being lonely

Most people I know would say so that I am a very happy person. I enjoy my life, enjoy my kids (most of the time) and enjoy being me. Why is it then, I feel alone and lonely. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. I am okay being alone, usually. I like having my home to myself. I like doing what I want when I want to. I don't always feel lonely, but lately I do. I know a lot of people, but I don't really have any friends. I have soccer friends, work friends, but no one to call a "true" friend. No one to hang out with outside of my normal activities. I am not sure why. I do know that most married folks don't want to hang out with single gals. I am younger than most parents that have kids my age. Oddly enough, I get along with younger people pretty well. I think it is because I have a younger brother and sister. That is temporary though. I am at a different point in my life than they are. I have joined a couple of "meet-ups" to meet new people. I have yet to go to an event. I think partially I am afraid to give of myself, to let people in. My divorce has left me damaged. Now that I know that, I can work on it. I am afraid of commitment. I don't even like signing contracts for phones, satellite, etc. It makes me feel trapped. I don't like feeling trapped. Then why is it, if I don't like commitments, I want someone to share my life with me? I am a contradiction to myself.