I have decided I have a personality trait I need to work on. I frequently have the feeling of being left out...of everything. Maybe it's from being alone or feeling lonely. For example, a bunch of YMCA employees were involved in a soccer match against another Y. I wasn't invited to participate. At least 3 of the players know I that play soccer, that I really like to play. Technically I am still a Y employee (on a leave of absence). This is just the most recent example. This happened last Sunday.
I think it may stem from the desire to be a part of something, for someone to "want" me (not in a sexual way). I feel like I belong nowhere. I have my kids. I play soccer. I work. That's about it. I used to think that I had a life outside of my kids, but in actuality, I have discovered I don't. Maybe I notice this more now because I only have one child at home. While I know my son still needs me, if feels like he doesn't. My daughter needs me, but only for what I can do for her.
I don't have a lot of people that I call friends. I know a lot of people, but very few are named as my friend. Most women my age are married and have much younger children than I do. For some reason, married folks don't seem to like to hang out with us single folks.
I'm not the type of person that you would invite to a wild party. I never have been. In fact, when I throw a party, hardly anyone I know shows up. I think I must seem unapproachable and am unsure why. I consider myself to be a friendly person. When people get to know me, I would say more like me than not. I'm not looking for sympathy. I am trying to figure out what is going on in my head.
